omfg

Sorry for the short reply, I think what you’re pointing out is very well described but I’m not equipped to deal with it

I hate the painter with a passion. He was incredibly dumb and even he knew it. And it’s not just “memory”, it was precious youth time that is lost. I’ll never be a highschooler again. I’m angry. I’d be happier if my past didn’t exist

I was going to study abroad or settle somewhere else sooner or later, I just don’t see anything relevant to this country anymore. I don’t really feel attached to anywhere to be honest: family, friends, country, anything that comes to mind. And I love travel, and I feel sick when I stay in some place for too long. Studying abroad is the best option for me.

I’m just too late, and despite my tremendous effort (including but not limited to completely messing up my sleep schedule for work) since last year, I see people are much better in their position because they just started things earlier. Did the right things. Had a network of people that guided them well. And as I’m typing this here perhaps someone else started something I’d love to do.

I’ll take your advice though, thanks for suggestions

Also many with a similar or worse background than me though

I don’t know. Maybe the adults around me are lazy but literally all can’t move out of comfort zone, start something new.
Since you mentioned, yes I’m trying to study abroad (and it seems very likely). And I should be, because it has been my dream since 14 or something. But I only started preparing last year. Why? I just didn’t know I could study abroad. How could you be so blind that you can’t study abroad is a valid question that I can’t answer. I was misguided by all adults around me - just claimed it’s not possible until masters unless you get into a few super-selective high schools. But I could probably just open internet and ask the same question instead of taking the words of people that can’t even speak English. And I got confidence loss over not getting into these super-selective high schools (and not being able to study abroad), this effect combined with an unfortunate personal event got me into serious mental problems for around two years. This really wasn’t “I didn’t achieve good stuff because I partied too much” case, I didn’t enjoy my time doing unproductive stuff.
I was lucky enough I realized this is not the case later on by some means.
Looking at the opportunities of those students studying at international high schools in my country (which I was able to attend, but didn’t because I was not aware of the whole study abroad thing) who started this process 3 years ago and not 1 year, I’d probably get into Harvard or something of that sort - if I had these opportunities (which I could definitely have).
I just really feel far away from my true potential. I have huge regrets in non-academic areas of my life as well. I just didn’t make the best decisions for myself.

And I’m scared of getting older because I see adults around me at 30s or 40s don’t move an inch from their comfort zone. “I want to do x” “This would be nice” but there are no steps towards whatever they’re thinking of. They just seem stuck. I’m not sure getting married or having kids is what actually causes this effect though.
It seems so real I’ll study in the country I want to settle in, because I might think “nah I can’t spend more effort moving somewhere else, I don’t need more trouble”

I’m fearing I won’t develop into adult either. Not in the way that I could be satisfied
I could do so many stuff, I had absolutely nothing to do but I chose to do the most boring, most ordinary stuff, which does not help me in the slightest

I honestly didn’t really enjoy my past years. It’s not like I was partying in the time I’d be doing new projects.
That number is definitely not anywhere near 10 or 15. And I’m not comparing myself to “average” because I was never average. Median income globally is 12k$ per year, and half of the people are earn lower than that. I only compare myself with people from similar background as me, and I see numerous examples they just did better choices with their time and opportunities.

Your example kind of assumes every option is created equal. It definitely isn’t.
I get a much better analysis of what I have done in my past as time passes. I realize I missed so many objectively good paths. I wish I could see what I’m currently doing in retrospect from future. Like, my future self comes and give me advice

Sorry I don’t understand. How does this relate to the post?

I’m really trying to not make this a way to mess up with my mental state, but instead a search on how to achieve the best of myself. I just want to know how these people are waking up in the morning and do the stuff they do.

I hate to say this opinion would be minority even on Lemmy. People value convenience over anything else

I’d like to see the logistic version as well!