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- cross-posted to:
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They get to the bottom of whether chess against a grandmaster could be won with remote-controlled sex toys
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I mean no study is really conclusive without reproducibility. I should probably study it as well.
A single person is too small a sample size really. I’ll join your study
oh my.
Fine. Fine. You talked me into it.
No, no, I’m already set with the equipment.
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I too will join you in this Quest to further truth and understanding.
ok but just so you know the average chess game consists of approximately 40 moves, but one game ended in a draw after 269 moves and lasted 20 hours and 15 minutes.
Relevant username
Do yourself a favor and watch the video. However funny you think it is, it’s better.
Not ruining my algorithm
watch in a private window
Use piped, then.
You can also delete it from your history.
I don’t care who you are, this shit is genuine cyberpunk comedy.
It’s all fun and games, until you have to explain to a person you are playing chess with, that you just orgasmed because of the vibrating butt plug, you are using to cheat at said chess match.
Is that better or worse than explaining that you just orgasmed because you just love playing chess?
Yes, yes, YES!
“If you don’t nut during the match you aren’t fit to be a grandmaster.” (Anatoly Karpov)
I mean, they have vibrating but plugs, that can be controlled remotely by an app. Each move would be instructed with 2 number pairs. Each pair represents a square on the board- normally they’re identified by letters running left to right (from white’s perspective,) a-h, and a number 1-8 (white’s home row is 1).
The first pair is the starting position, the second pair is the final position, so you pulse out four numbers with a pause between them, and that communicates the move.
The person with the remote app (that can be used across the internet, for the record,) watched a live feed and plugs in the move an opponent makes, and reports back the chess ai’s move.
Bzzt-bzzt—bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt—bzzt-bzzt-bzzt—bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-bzzt-
Would instruct a move from the pawn in E2 to move to e3,
Just a guess; though, these guys just wanted to shove a vibrator up their ass… no judgment.
If you had a pitch perfect butt, you could pulse different frequencies to make the transmission faster. Ideally 8 tones, so just 4 pulses each time.
Or just Morse code
Marse code
You only need one buzz: This position is good or this position is bad. That’s all a top level player needs.
E2 to E3 would be (I’m changing the numbers to just count out the buzzes to make it easier. E is one short buzz.):
Buzz. Buzz buzz.
Buzz. Buzz buzz buzz.
(Now imagine the old notation “King’s Bishop takes Queen’s Knight”)
for the record, it’s not any formal notation. but the board is a grid of 8x8. I should have put it as 5x buzzes for ‘e’, and 2x’ buzzes for 2, but, uh, y’all get the idea. (so my sample is actually 2e to 3e, but details)
there’s actually no need from a move-calling perspective to identify what is on that square, or what’s on the square that’s being taken. There might be for tournament rules in chess, though, since the scorecard is a record of play for things. I’m just pointing out the technical feasibility of it.
I have no idea what you’re saying. The letter E in Morse is one short buzz.
The old way to denote moves didn’t use the grid notation. It called the pieces “King’s Bishop” and “to” or “takes” then describes the piece being taken. The joke is imagine typing that out in morse code, instead of the much shorter letter and number.
I have no idea what you’re saying. The letter E in Morse is one short buzz.
I’m not using morse. I’m using a direct encoding of numbers to letters. basically its a coordinate system- 2,5 - 3,5.
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You also wouldn’t need to give every move. The difference between a grandmaster and a super grand master might just be a few moves. You could just indicate which piece to move and the player could infer the rest. Or just indicate whether to take or not.
Light the Piped Bot Signal
Gondor calls for aid.
Something about hobbits to Isengard.
It’s Always Sunny had an episode like this. Now I know it’s based on a real story. How rare.
I’m surprised you hadn’t heard of it, it was pretty widely published as one might guess from the topic.
I probably had, but I also probably erased it with some beer later. These days I only know and retain YAML.
AnarchyChess approves.
Lmao I love how his first major worry was not putting the vibrator in his ass, but if it’s safe to keep it in there for an entire chess match.
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Look I’m traditionally of the argument that societal degradation narratives are overblown, but the fact that videos where people shove things up their own ass seem to be getting more common every year is a pretty good point in favor of them.
What if they just played the match in a Faraday cage? That should effectively block any signals afaik.
People will find other ways to cheat. You can’t really prepare for everything. That’s why a buttplug remote control was in the news. Some years ago, one chess player was accused of hiding a chess engine in her lipstick, since she used it a lot as a tick.
Some Scandinavian journalists did the same thing last year at the time of the scandal as well.
I feel like this is a plot for a hentai doujin in the making.