Sorry, guys. I’m voting for the only candidate that can end global warming.

Look. just tell them I get the money. I’ll take a small processing fee of like two bucks to buy myself some coffee and send the rest back to the hospital so you can get back to the business of helping people.

if you’re wondering what I get out of it… well, besides the coffee… i get to say I’m some chief-something-or-another-officer of a hospital on my resume, yes? I’m sure that’ll be good for a job where I make more in a week or two than I do now in a year. We all win.

Slow the redirect down, and show people ads for fake couch porn sites, too

Cosmic metal?

Is that some kind of refined variation of unobtanium?

(Without reading more… I’m just going to assume they mean meteoric iron? Though the title does read like a prompt for a b-tier sci-fi that ends with Kirk trying to put his dick into something he absolutely shouldn’t put his dickninti.)

And brown sugar.

Gotta get those cinnamons-syrup-swirls, amirite?

Of course she did.

Because there’s no other way that trump would lose a debate, amirite?

(/s. Trump is the kind of idiot who makes morons look brilliant.)

“I want a government small enough to fit up your ass.”- Vance probably.

“So your for gay rights?”

“Wait… what?”

“It was really good soup.”- satan.

I’m sure Ukraine could find a use. Maybe we tow it to a port of their choosing?

Where’s the Black Sea fleet hiding again?

So, like, a few years ago, I had this co-worker. She was vegan in the “annoying” way. Most vegans? You wouldn’t know it unless you knew them. In any case that wasn’t her.

She wasted no time telling everyone that they weren’t allowed to bring meat into the office- that the smell of it made her ill, and so, we had to be vegan to.

Well. Unfortunately for her that’s not a reasonable accommodation. Not that we didn’t try to make some effort (not microwaving food when she’s in the break room, etc,)(to be fair, our attempt to be reasonable ended after about the third sign declaring the office meat-free.)

In any case she waged a small war on it over the course of a few days- mostly hanging up passive aggressive signs and being snippy whenever some one walked by with anything even vaguely meat like, (including, in point of fact leftover mushroom stew that is, in fact, vegan. It’s why I think she was full of shit about the smell making her ill.)

Things came to a head when she decided it was a good idea to to go into the break room fridge and toss everything into the garbage. (Including another coworkers veg fried rice with crispy tofu,)

Now, do you think that anyone in that office was persuaded to go vegan?

Or do you imagine that HR fired her ass for being an overbearing, condescending bitch- and a thief as well?

I’ll give you a hint: the steaks my boss got and I grilled for lunch were delicious.

The point being: food is integral to culture, and in many ways, part of how we socialize. It’s not something that you can just demand we change and not expect people to react well to.

Making arguments are all well and good, but they won’t really persuade anyone either. You’re literally talking about changing a few millennia of cultural norms.

Sure we can have that discussion, but really, if you have to get preachy, you have to get demanding or “dramatic” like my ex-coworker…. All it does is makes people remember that rather than the actual impactful points of the discussion.

McConnell: <awkward turtle noises>

I’m okay with this.

I won a porterhouse from a steakhouse over Hilary losing.

I’d rather I hadn’t won. The bet was made in primary season, and that Hilary would get the nomination and lose the election. (There was a second part that said if Bernie won the nomination he’d be POTUS)

Ashley furniture, too

She probably doesn’t listen to CPR news because all the big words scare her.

I mean… you could.

And maybe might actually make a difference…

Sorry about our, uh, cultural…. Ah, exports….

Half them can’t read, so they don’t know it exists.

The other half find their inability to read useful and don’t bother explaining so they can keep being assholes.

Pretty sure any overt act against a nato member is going to lead to all of nato jumping Russia.

That’s kinda the point of the alliance.

It’s simple. All he needs to do is add a new, never-before-discovered variety.