I’m trying to be better but I’m terrible some days and better others, my willpower day-to-day isn’t at all consistent enough to help. I’m always depressed and tired, even when I take my meds and get good sleep.
I love to imagine myself as I would be if I had the willpower and energy to tackle each day. What it would be like to be able to make friends as an adult without having anyone from college, highschool, or childhood. What it would be like if I could go about my day with confidence in my own ability, knowing I can back it up. What it would be like to live in my skin without wanting to scream all the time even when I’m happy. What it would be like if I was enough for myself.
What it would be like if I was just good enough to be okay. I wish I could be okay
How about ya’ll?
I know many people are like me in one way or another, and asking if there are is kind of pointless, but I just want to hear from people like me. I don’t want to be alone.
But I also know that these things are literally mostly the fault of the banal dystopia wearing down our will to live every day. As well as that despite all this shit you still believe in us, in the potential of humanity, is an act of love so pure that one who feels it cannot be evil. I will not accept your self hatred, you are a good person, just one thats been worn to pieces trying to pull them back together.
Don’t totally give up, I feel similarly, but I’ve realized if I make a conscious effort to greet people, be around acquaintances without headphones, try to help people, and interject in conversations etc that can help. People can be boring and post pandemic zoomer relationships can be hard, but you gotta try.
On the second part, I know I need to set aside more time without my phone. I should really get on that, considering how much time I waste procrastinating. Btw, anyone in this thread who sleeps in the same room as their phone, try not to. It’s very distracting and can promote bad habits preventing positive activities like reading.