lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let’s try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I’m coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it’s so annoying when my family, who knows I’m autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I’ve explained multiple times that I’m not trying to be rude and I’m just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn’t work. I just don’t understand why I have to say “hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)” in some high pitched voice when I could just say, “can you not let the dogs tangle?” in a tone that conveys I’m serious. it’s so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

edit: I’m having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it’s helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)

another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I’ve tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they’ve been unsuccessful but I’m continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it’s not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.

  • SweetBlueAlienJunk@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    1 year ago

    To add to this, starting with ‘can you not’ is automatically framing it to people who are bothered by this as a negative interaction because the starting premise is negative (‘don’t do the thing’).

    If you reframe it in the opposite way (‘do the thing’) with a ‘please’ to soften it a bit you’ll probably have more luck, eg:

    ‘Please can we keep the dogs untangled?’ (‘We’ also helps here because you’re assuming some of the responsibility for keeping the dogs untangled rather than it sounding like you’re pointing a finger of blame which will get people’s backs up pretty quickly)

    Not autistic but worked in complaint management for a long time and learned how to more effectively get people on side. Also have ADHD and speak without thinking a lot and it helps to understand why whatever I just blurted out annoyed someone!