Let’s assume that you recently cracked your egg. You then had a period of intense focus on this realization. You came out to friends, you explored things typically associated with your newfound gender identity (such as clothes), and you reveled in how this made you feel. You were confident that you want to transition.
Cut forward a few weeks. The novelty has worn off and getting access to medical care is so slow. Also you’re not out everywhere yet (e.g. work), so you still get addressed with your old pronouns and name constantly. Thinking or talking about yourself trips you up all the time, because you keep misgendering yourself. Your chosen pronouns and name still feel nice but also like a reminder of who you aren’t “yet”. You feel tired.
You start to ask yourself if you’re really trans or if it was just the novelty of it all. If all of this is worth it. But at the same time you’d still press a magic button that gives you the body you dream of in a heartbeat.
How would you deal with this?
I’m still over 3 months out from my HRT appointment that I made two months ago, so I know the feeling. Here are some things you can do that might help:
- Continue trying new clothes, but also accessories, and things like new hair styles, nails, jewelry. (as long as it is safe for you to do so and you can afford it.)
- Try to find a hobby that you enjoy that helps you take your mind off of dysphoria, or one that helps you feel feminine.
- Think about who you might come out to next and what steps you want to take as part of your transition. If you misgender yourself on accident, just correct yourself and move on, you will get used to your new pronouns eventually.
For me at least, transitioning – particularly in the first few months – was intensely social. I’m really fortunate to live in a very trans- and queer-friendly city, and there’s something going on every day of the week – at least for queer people, usually something specific for trans people, too.
For me this helped a lot in dealing with frustration and dysphoria, because you meet lots of other trans people who are in the same boat. These people are going to listen to you, validate you, and afterward, and generally make you feel better and happier. So I would basically kinda push myself (without taking it too far, sometimes chillaxing in front of the tv is great) to go out especially when I felt down; I treated it almost as a kind of therapy. For me at least this really helped :)
I have been there and lemme just say it gets a lot better when everyone gets to know you as your real self. It helps affirm that youre real and as people see you as a girl in passing that helps a lot too. Medical care is slow af as well as the effects so you may as well get used to waiting! I just hope for any trans person to make it to a comfortable place. It took me a long time but with support i feel better and more honest with myself than ever and its really about you being yourself first and then letting those deemed worthy in (as opposed to coming out- you ultimately have agency of your life and identity).