So I got a batch of Elvanse about a week and a half ago after spending a few long and painful days unmedicated, and I was happily taking them as usual. Then it occurred to me late last week that there’s no guarantee I’d get more in a few weeks’ time. I decided to try only taking them three or four days a week to try to make them last, so I missed Saturday and Sunday, took one yesterday then missed today.

Bad decision.

Boy, have I ever been depressed the last few days. The shortage has been a great stressor for the last couple of weeks so I’d been struggling anyway, but going mostly unmedicated really takes me back; it’s been a while since I’ve felt that overwhelming numbness of ‘real’ depression.

I’m okay now after taking a couple of Amfies through this afternoon. In fact, I feel remarkably normal. It has once again highlighted the stark difference the meds make for me. The underlying dread of uncertainty with future prescriptions is still there, obviously, but if all we have right now is hope then I’d rather cling to that than sink into the hopelessness I’ve experienced over the last few days.