How old were you when you began questioning/considering you weren’t “normal”? I’m in my 30s and almost all at once feel like I’m not sure what I am in most demensions and struggling to figure out what I feel about anything. I’ve been married, happily for a while, which adds a little to the confusion.
I was around 14 when I started thinking something was up, at the time I thought I was bi but it was only around when I was 20 that I found out I was trans and a lesbian
Normal was probably around 8, queer questioning only started in my late 20s, and I only figured out I was trans a decade on again. Still haven’t fully figured out my sexuality, but labels are tools rather than boxes.
I kinda knew I didn’t vibe with my AGAB at a pretty young age, maybe 12 or earlier? Idk i just kinda remember vague disassociation towards my agab. One of the first concrete trans thoughts i had was while watching an anime where full body cyborgs exist and I remember thinking/wishing for that to be real so I could swap into a woman’s body. The same show also made me aware that being attracted to the same/both genders was a thing that could exist.
At the time I didn’t really have the knowledge to really grasp the ideas that were forming so I didn’t accept/understand I was bisexual until I was maybe 20. And I didn’t really come to understand this general disdain for my physical and social gender and sex were a symptom of being trans until about mid 2019, or when I was about 24. The weird thing was that I knew and understood trans women specifically because i’d befriended a few over online MMOs (and asked the mandatory prying questions that apathetic teenagers tend to ask. thank you so much for your patience Kira/Demi.) but didn’t associate the status with my own situation.
Figuring ourselves out is a hell of a path and nobody’s is identical to anothers, so don’t feel too overwhelmed with your current situation or the possibility of being a late bloomer, things fall into place eventually.
I can relate to some of that. I do have some memories of being uncomfortable about my body and wondering if I was supposed to have been the other and somehow everyone got it wrong when I was born, though whatever age I was, I don’t think trans was anywhere near mainstream and had no idea it existed.
Also, I think it was some egg_irl memes that started the questions. I stumbled onto it and they were kind of funny, until “Wait. Are these too funny?” This being sometime after also realizing I had adhd after finding their memes too funny and relatable.
Maybe I will end up accepting myself the way I was, or not, but yeah it is a hell of a thing. It’s like I was vibing trying to survive life and someone suddenly pulled the fucking floor out from under me.
I was very young. Single digits. I always wanted to kiss all the girls and all the boys, from before when I knew that anybody thought there was anything wrong with it.
I felt an attraction to older men around 7 or 8, not in a sexual way but just a general attraction. At 13 had a “girlfriend” online because that was the normal thing to do. One of my other online friends was a lesbian and she explained her attraction toward women. That was my lightbulb moment that I was gay and had a specific attraction toward older men.
Of course that had a slew of problems being a teenager attracted to older men 55+. Overtime I went from bi, to gay, to hating myself, to finally accepting myself and lifting my depression at around 22. I always thought there biggest hurdle was social acceptance, it turns out, it’s self acceptance and being comfortable with who you are.
You should consider seeing a LGBTQ friendly therapist to help unpack how you’re feeling. A therapist is there to help you learn tools to self analyze.
I was in high school when I started to realize that I was bisexual. I started questioning around Grade 11 and 12, and then came to terms with it in my first year of university. However, it didn’t really change anything for me. I was in a long term relationship at the time, and after that one ended I very quickly ended up in another relationship which I’ve been in ever since. Both of them were “hetero” relationships.
Knowing that I’m bisexual hasn’t changed my feelings for my partner. All it has done for me is help me accept that what I’m feeling is normal, and that it’s perfectly okay to be attracted to both males and females.
The fact that you’re happily married shows you still love your spouse. Questioning your sexuality doesn’t have to change anything about your marriage. If anything, I would talk to your spouse about it and go “hey, I’ve been thinking about this a bit, and I’d like your support while I try and work through these feelings.” You can question and work through it without having to “experiment” or look for anything outside your current relationship.
And remember, being in a “hetero” relationship does not invalidate your sexuality. You don’t even have to label your sexuality if you don’t want to.