I hope my enby peeps can help me out here.

I am very interested in exploring a more feminine expression, but my starting point is masc-af physically, so anything too feminine too quick is going to have a very hard contrast and I’m definitely more of an “I don’t want to stick out much” kind of person.

Any ideas that may be more androgynous, but not attention grabbing that I can try out? I am not good at picking outfits anyway, so I need all the help I can get.

Like beard and full body hair, so obviously lower cut stuff could be very dysmophic atm.

Maybe something that just feelsmore feminine but may not look it so much. You know? Does this make sense?

  • TheActualDevil@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    1 year ago

    I’m a cis-het guy who wears nail polish every day. I live in a very conservative southern state and the only comments I get are women telling me they love the color and asking what the brand is (It’s always either Holo Taco or Mooncat). These days, no one cares. And men with nail polish is in the zeitgeist right now, so no one would make any assumptions as to the why you’re wearing it.

    And I’ve been wearing nail polish for 20 years. There were times when it was an issue, but I remember this one time back in the early 2000s. I was in high school, walking through the mall and this big guy stops me. He’s tatted up, long mangly beard and torn biker leathers on, probably in his 50s. He holds up his own hand to show off his polish and tells me he loves seeing other guys with it. We talk for a bit. He then calls his wife and daughter over and tries to convince me to take his daughter’s number.

    I think about that guy sometimes when I’m unsure about how people will react to how I look. Given, I am speaking from a place or severe privilege compared to you, but I want to give you a bit of perspective. My sense of style has never really fit in with those around me. I paint my nails, dye my hair. I’ve worn my share of skirts when it matched my outfit(Once I went to a drag prom with my girlfriend, then we went out for dinner afterwards. Didn’t have time to change so I was straight up wearing a plaid dress and heels. The waitress hit on me and 3 different women came up to our table to talk to me and one gave me their number). Sometimes the clothing I wear can be a bit “loud.” And over the years I’ve come to just say “fuck it.” This is me. I look this way because I think it looks good or because I like the act of doing it. People can accept that or not, but that’s a them problem. As far as I know, no one has ever assumed I was anything other than a straight cis guy, and I’ve never had any problems.

    I’m not saying this to suggest you should dress in a way you’re not comfortable with yet or that you shouldn’t be on your guard sometimes. But if you’re worried about people giving a shit about nail polish while you’re taking your first steps, you likely don’t need to. I wear traditionally feminine stuff all the time if I think it looks good and don’t run into issues. Nail polish, bracelets, rings, some shirts that are definitely cut for women and are a little tight on me.

    In fact, women’s shirts are a good one for you I think. They’re not all low-cut, but with the narrower shoulders and typically shorter sleeves, they do feel different on you while not looking any different to people looking. If you’re still feeling self conscious with it on you can put a loose open front shirt on over it to cover any of those features but you still get to wear it.

    And if you need any tips on nail polish or nail care, I got you. Nails and nail-beds on hands that have been masculine for years just aren’t the same as hands that have been taken care of for polish from early childhood.