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- cross-posted to:
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Ah, the luxury of not being a parent.
Implying that parents don’t have any free time? I mean, my time isn’t “my own”, but my wife and I sure as hell have free time.
Personally, I would go insane without free time – likely literally. I would be an anxiety-ridden mess with a hair trigger. If my chores won’t allow any free time, the chores don’t get finished. They’ll still be there tomorrow.
Edit: We have two kids, 6 and 8 years old.
I guess there are scenarios where I have free time, but it’s less than 30 minutes daily. In some evenings I can fight the exhaustion of a full day of child care after putting them to sleep to stay awake and get some free time, taking into account of being very tired when they wake me up quite early.
It probably gets better when the kids are older, mine are little.
Two humans are just too few to take care after two kids. Originally humans were not isolated to 4 person families like they are today. The whole tribe was looking after all the kids, sharing different duties and having a collective schedule, similar to Kindergarden today, but the whole day.
After that a few generations lived together in one house, still having less impact on the actual parents. Then we got our 2 parents + kids family model where in the beginning one parent was doing childcare full time.
Arriving in todays society, where both parents need to work and do the child care on the side by themselves after parental leaves from work are over. This is from the age of 1 where I live, but e.g. in the U.S. it’s right away.
Obviously this most parent hostile setup in the society of today, adding also some financial disadvantages, is a big reason this societies demographic issues.
What else can be done besides talking to other parents to change it? There should be motivation to change it, at least for the next generation.
I guess you could live in a community with multiple parents, sharing duties and creating more free time for individuals and couples.
It’s interesting that parents prefer to maintain their own space.
You’re forgetting about when they were 0 and 2
No, I’m really not.
My first had major medical issues (for her first 3-4 years) that necessitated close supervision after a 3-month stay in the NICU. She had PT, OT, speech therapy, and feeding therapy every week, appointments with cardiology and pulmonology, gastroenterology, regular post-operation and post-NICU visits, and the normal doctor appointments.
She took a lot of work, and severely limited our options for going out, due to a feeding schedule (while trying to limit projectile vomiting – and I do mean vomiting, hard and loudly, not just “spitting up” – to 2 times a day, when possible) that allowed practically nothing. Still, we managed to have downtime, where we could just relax and unwind. It’s how we stayed sane.
Given the circumstances, a second child really changed very little, in terms of work required. We still found time for ourselves.
Admittedly, it would have been impossible (or extremely cost-ineffective) for me to have a job at that point, but my daughter was a full-time job and then some. I realize that this probably negates everything I’ve said to most in this thread, but still.
If you got a 2 hour commute it is time to not
It’s not like people choose to have a two hour commute.
Yeah like in my case, I live in a rural area and don’t have much of a choice but to have long commutes to work because most of the jobs are in cities.
Genuine question - have you considered options for moving? Long commutes are a huge opportunity cost and time sink!
Yes I’m definitely considering moving. That along with poor quality Internet service and limited ISP options is what’s mostly making me want to move.
I mean, you could get a closer gig. Even if it pays less, the free time is worth it. My commute is 30 min-1hr and I still hate it. Wish I’d kept the job that was a seven-minute walk away from my house.
I work remotely, so I’m not affected by this personally, but I recognize that other people just aren’t lucky enough to be able to choose a job that’s close and convenient. Some people simply don’t have a choice in the matter and they take the job they can get.
Public servant here, the city I live in isn’t hiring and when they do it’s extremely competitive, think 150+ applications for one position. The city I work for is an hour away and I’ve been doing the drive for two years. I can’t move closer due to lack of rentals and what is available is too expensive (I saw a 2br for 3100 this morning) and they won’t rent to me because of pets (why bother when there is someone without pets who is willing to pay 60% of their salary, less risk for your “investment”). Can’t buy because I can’t afford 600k for a starter home with how crazy interest rates are right now I would be looking at a 3k/month mortgage.
I could try adjacent work closer to home, but there isn’t much and it would be a pay cut even accounting for gas. Also no viable transit option available unless I want to leave my house at 5 and get home at 7.
So far I’ve been able to get 1 wfh day, 2 or 3 would be nice but I need to be in office to deal with the public.
Wait a minute, you guys got free time?
Ya I have about 4-6 hours of free time a day. After work and chores.
Sometimes during work…
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lol 8 hours of sleep.
8 hours of work, also lol. Try 10
I’m in this meme and I don’t like it
And work 6 days a week.
Cut my working hours to 6,5 a day. Doesn’t help, just 1,5 hours more childcare (But yes, it helps the kids).
Only thing what helps your free time is to sleep less. (Yes, that sucks too.)
Kids ruin everything
Exactly this, but work 12-14 hour shifts. That’s when the real “fun” begins.
Where’s the other 4 hours