• Unpigged@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    5 days ago

    You should know how much time Christian monks spent reasoning about the foreskin of Christ.

    It’s a lot.

    Long enough to postulate that once the Jesus ascended, his foreskin ascended as well and become. The. Rings. Of. Saturn.

    Sky will never be the same, won’t it?

      • Unpigged@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        4 days ago

        Yeah but with significantly less blackjack and hookers and significantly more foreskins. Cause you didn’t think there was only one foreskin on display for all those pilgrims, did you?

  • kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    I don’t think He/Him are neopronouns as the prefix neo- means new. Surely His would be old (paleopronouns), or timeless (aeternuspronouns), rather than new

  • YTG123@sopuli.xyz
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    4 days ago

    I can follow this, up to

    they are neopronouns

    I believe that that’s a decision made by translators of the bible. Hebrew doesn’t have lowercase letters, and the Greek versions of the New Testament that I found don’t capitalize as much. And are they distinct?

    • derfunkatron@lemmy.world
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      4 days ago

      Yeah, it’s more of an act of reverence or deference. However, it is a pronoun (cis-gendered, and preferred) which some people believe never occurs in the Bible.

  • half coffee@lemy.lol
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    6 days ago

    In mormonism if you don’t do their special ceremonies and have multiple wives, you lose your dick for eternity. I learned that in Sunday school when I was 12 lol.

    • wjrii@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      Mormon theology also pretty much just cuts the Gordian knot proposed in this post by saying, “Fuck yeah he’s got a dick. Uses it ALL THE TIME.” I believe that a “perfected body” was the verbiage I was taught in Sunday School. Tritheistic heresy, Shmitheistic Shmeresy…

    • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      Kid: “Then I won’t do the ceremony because I never wanted a dick in the first place.”

      Mormons: “No! That’s not how you play the game!”

  • Live Your Lives@lemmy.world
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    Technically, you can’t say that He/Him are God’s preferred pronouns because the capitalization doesn’t appear in the oldest texts. They are more a matter of tradition than of reality. However, you could say that’s even worse because Christians have embraced these neopronouns on God’s behalf.

    • loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works
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      6 days ago

      Does Jesus have a gender tho? As stated above, Jesus has a fully human body and nature (or else you are deemed a heretic by the council of Chalcedon). He is described as a man and several churches and rulers have historically claimed to hold a piece of his foreskin, so he must’ve had a penis. Therefore:

      • Either Jesus was agender despite having a penis, therefore penis doesn’t imply male gender or
      • Jesus was male. So either:
        • Jesus and God don’t have the same gender, so they aren’t the same entity, which the councils of Nicea and Chalcedon would deem a heresy, or
        • God can manifest as male or agender, making Them genderfluid.
      • Praise Idleness@sh.itjust.works
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        5 days ago

        Jesus and The Father is not just the same entity. From what I understand it’s like water: liquid water is water. Ice is water but it’s not a same thing as (liquid) water.

        The Father is just something above gender. Jesus is a man.

        • loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works
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          6 days ago

          It’s also been mentioned in other parts of this thread, but the holy foreskin has been considered an important relic, and there are accounts of many kings like Charlemagne having owned it.

      • zea@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        5 days ago

        I know people like to call the holy trinity absurd because of the multiple entities being 1 entity, but I would like to direct your attention to plural people. Holy-trinity-like situations actually occur in real people. Even with different genders.

  • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
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    5 days ago

    According to Mormons, god is literally male, with (perfect) male genitalia. There is also a god–the-mother, who is female, and is both secret and sacred (they really don’t like talking about her), and also utterly subservient to god the father, because of course she is. According to Mormon theology, both gods were once mortal, and were raised up to godhood by their godly parents; Mormons–if they’re good enough–can go to Mormon super-heaven, where they will also become gods in their own right. Before everyone was born physically, they were born spiritually, in… More or less the same way babies are born now, except in heaven, to a heavenly mom. And there were hundreds of billions of spirit babies, so I guess that god the dad and god the mom really like sex or something? The implications start getting really, really weird, very fast. Which is part of the reason why Mormons don’t usually want to talk about stuff like this with people that aren’t Mormon.

    I believe that the quote is, “As man is, so once was god. As god is, so man can become,” or something like that.

    Source: was Mormon for >25 years.

      • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
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        5 days ago

        To paraphrase Nietzsche, that which doesn’t kill you psychologically scars you and leaves you with a lifetime of therapy bills.

          • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
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            4 days ago

            Currently I recommend bupropion and atomoxetine, but once I get an appointment with a psychiatrist, I’ll probably recommend lisdexamphetamine.

            Modafanil is pretty great too.

  • lath@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Considering how consistently the world gets fucked, yeah, I’d say there’s a divine Dick out there doing all the fucking.

  • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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    5 days ago

    There are several other gods and goddesses named in the old testament, so I’m willing to buy that the Christian god has a dick, and it’s for inserting into goddesses. And given the personality on display by said diety, I’d wager said dick could pass through the eye of a needle and still have room for the camel.

  • Sassington@feddit.uk
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    5 days ago

    Want to know why life is always fucking you? If God has a dick, his dick would be omnipresent therefore you’re constantly being dicked by God.

  • Allonzee@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    "The sword of God, the blood of the lamb, vengeance is mine, millions of dead motherfuckers, all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question. ‘You believe in God?’

    ‘No.’

    BANG Dead.

    ‘You believe in God?’

    ‘Yes.’

    ‘You believe in my God?’

    ‘No.’

    BANG Dead.

    ‘My God has a bigger dick than your God!’"

    -George Carlin